For lunch today, we had stew with
potatoes, rice and veggies. The stew and potatoes were right next to
the rice because they were meant to be mixed. I thought to myself
“How absurd! Mixing rice with the stew when there are already
potatoes in it!” I'm a firm believer in 2 starches don't mix. I got
tea and sugar cubes in my commissary today and found myself saying
the tea was subpar. And I found myself bored playing pittypat with
Mikai because it's below me and doesn't challenge me. Then, after the
rice fiasco, I couldn't help but ask myself when did become “that
guy?” That snooty too good for anyone guy. That “Venti mocha chip soy with an espresso shot” guy. That “I'll have crème fraiche
guy. That “Oh! Fresh Air with Terry Gross is on NPR!” guy. Just
that too good for anything, high society mindset.I'm really not sure.
Maybe it was when I first became a supervisor and that heightened
sense of power and self-worth kicked in. Or maybe it was when I
started making 20 bucks an hour and I could afford to waste money at
a concert supporting an indie-band. Maybe it was when I started eating tofu scramble with nutritional yeast for breakfast because my
taste for red meat often ebbs and wains. I'm not sure and I'm not
sure I like it. Maybe I've always been like this. That's my theory. I
really don't know how to feel about it. On the one hand, I must come
off as the most pretentious uppity jerk-off to these people who yell
and holler at the same Jerry Springer scenario everyday while
shouting their double negatives. And on the other hand, I AM actually
smart and don't live in a close-minded bubble. Educated and not so
much sophisticated. Just as I said to Lamborghini.
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★
Dave's1 gone. He was
discharged this morning and not many people got to see him go. When
one leaves, another enters. A heavy set guy strolled through the door
during evening rec and smiled a big smile. “YOOOOO” a bunch of
inmates yelled. This obviously wasn't this guys first time here.
Mikai aske me if I've been avoiding
him.
“No, of course not,” I lied. With
his temper tantrums obscenely loud outbursts during sports games and
his constant need to point out every little think about everyone was
weighing on me.
“Look at him over there. He's diggin
up his nose,” he'd say.
“I don't really care,” I'd reply.
“Baseball is on and you know I don't
really care to watch it. So instead of sitting here doing nothing, I
go to my cell and read,” I explained.
“I don't like it either,” he said
while looking around for the remote. I went back to my cell to
finish reading Robin Quivers's memoir. I can't put it down. I put on
my headphones to drown out the chatter outside the cell. A bunch of
young black guys were in a circle rapping and freestyling It kind
of bothers me when young black guys put so much energy into writing
raps as opposed to, you know, learning shit. But that's a whole 'nother thing. They were loud. VERY. LOUD. They were screaming at
each other. I know this is going to end badly. Someone is probably
going to get offended and a fight is going to break out. It seems
inevitable when they're young black guys “battle” each other. Sure
enough, 20 minutes later, a huge screaming match. At first it was
loud but then it was LOUD!! Everyone was trying to be louder than the
last person. They drowned out the loud baseball game and my radio.
The C.Os in the bubble banged on the window and they stopped.
“WOOOOO! YEAH BABY!!! TEXAS SCORES!!”
Mikai screamed at the top of his lungs. So much for not liking
baseball.
1 [if I remember correctly,
in the pages that are missing, I talk about Dave being a gentle
giant. We only talked for a very short period. He was sweet and I
really liked him. We graduated from the same school 2 years apart. I
had a huge crush on him. It wasn't until months after he left that
Lam told me he played for our team]
